I moved to the other side of the world when I was 19. I spent almost a year in this place I came to love and it marked me in some beautiful and some terrible ways. Some of my deepest wounds and greatest growth found their way into my life in that year. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about one of the beautiful ways.
Like any young person I was on the cusp of major life decisions and struggling with direction. One day I was reading John 10 and when I read that the sheep know the Good Shepherd’s voice and follow Him, I began to panic a little. Did I know the Shepherd’s voice? I couldn’t confidently say that I did. I had desires and dreams but how could I be sure that they were from God? The heart is “deceitful above all things” after all (Jeremiah 17:9) and perhaps it was tricking me into believing that God was leading me in a certain direction when He wasn’t. I was in anguish.
I can think of many situations before that point in which God had spoken clearly through His Word or promptings in my heart, but in that moment, with the finger of the Accuser pointed right at me I suddenly wasn’t so sure that I recognized God’s voice. God did two beautiful things to silence the Accuser.
First, within a few days I was reading in Philippians 2 and verses 12 and 13 leaped off the page at me: “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” I may not have been able to trust all that was in my heart, but I could trust in the One that was working in me, not only to act as He desired, but to will in accordance with His good pleasure. He was working in me so that I could want what He wanted.
The second thing came a little while later. There was this wonderful lady I knew who was dying of AIDS. She was always the first to praise God and share about His goodness in her life in spite of the fact that she was unwell and approaching skeleton skinniness. It seemed like such a waste that she was going to die and that we would be deprived of her example of trust and gratitude and service and all the beautiful things she embodied. So I began to pray. I wouldn’t say it was fervent, but as it came to mind I would ask God to heal her. I’m not sure how long I prayed but one day, one normal, unsuspecting day, she came back with results from the blood work that was required on a regular basis and incredible news began to filter through the community: she was no longer HIV+! God had done it! As I rejoiced in answered prayer and reflected on what had happened I felt the Spirit encouraging me. I don’t have the gift of healing, but I had heard God’s heart for this woman and when I prayed His heart back to Him, He was happy to give me the desire of mine. Proof: I heard the Shepherd’s voice.
I’ve been thinking on these experiences a lot as I walk alongside a friend who is learning to recognize the voice of her Shepherd and as I reflect on prayer. God planted something in me way back then and it is growing into an ever deepening desire to hear His heart, to be formed by His heart, to pray victorious warrior prayers because they align with His heart, and to see others realizing that they can hear their Shepherd’s voice too.
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What has been your experience with hearing the Shepherd’s voice?